What's next?

With Ravelympics 2010 fast approaching, I was trying to get all of my WIPs completed so I can focus on my event I've chosen with a clear conscience. I'm just funny like that. It bugs me to think I've got other projects on my needles and there I go again, adding yet another. I've only got three unfinished projects, and finally came to accept that I really do need to have at least two on my needles. So, I'm not going to worry about two pairs of socks I've got as WIPs because you always need to have a project for on-the-go, right? What's more portable to keep in the car than a pair of socks? For those unexpected times when you might get stuck somewhere, it's always nice to have some mindless knitting with you. The one pair of socks I have revisited the past few days though are my Waving Lace ones shown in the pic above. I'd decided I would really like to be wearing those, so I pulled them out of the UFO bin and discovered that I had had them put away for so long, I didn't even realize I had already completed one of the socks! I'm now ready to pick up for the gusset on the second one, so it's only a matter of a couple of days now until I have a lovely pair of new socks!! I then began wondering what I would do until the lighting of the torch when I can cast on for my new sweater? It occurred to me that I have several charity projects in mind, so I will keep myself busy with those, and will share those with you as well! :=)

And now, as Dr. Gemma would say on her podcast, here is the spot where I'm going to "blather". It may interest you and it may not, but I'm going to put it out there anyway, and also ask the question, what would you do? Maybe some of you have experienced something close to the same situation, but I gotta tell ya, I've never seen anything like this in my life!

Most of you who read here already know there is a person that my ex-husband was introduced to (yes, by one of my daughters) nearly SIX years ago. My kids, grandkids, and I have gotten past it. We have realized new chapters in our lives without the man we spent 35 years with. We no longer harbor any anger or hatred, and in fact, have no feelings one way or the other about their relationship. I have been told that is when you have truly moved on in your lives; when you no longer feel one way or the other about such a situation. What I do care about though is my children's feelings. This person is now their father's wife, and she has managed to isolate him away from anyone and everything he once knew, including his children and grandchildren. Oh sure, she will tell them they can have a relationship with their father, but it's on her terms. If they don't talk to their mother or another sibling, then it's all good. What kind of a person does this? What kind of a man allows this? A year ago, one of her family members forced an issue with one of our daughters (I won't go into detail here) that needed to be dealt with. She went to her dad with it and at first, he believed her. He had no reason not to. She has never, ever, lied to her dad. In her eyes, the sun rose and set on this man. He was everything to her and he knew that. The wife enters into the conversation and accuses our daughter of lying about what happened, because of course, it's one of her family members ( I have to say, we have since learned this person has a history of his actions). My guess is because he realizes that he has to live and sleep with this person, he's going to say whatever she wants to hear. I lived with him for 35 years, so I know how his mind works. He has a very co-dependent personality, whether she wants to believe it or not. Needless to say, this was her perfect opportunity to push the last of our three children that he had any kind of a relationship with, out of the picture. They have been married for over three years now, so she got what she wanted. Nobody cares, but sadly, she thinks we should, so she tries everything possible to push buttons and stir up chaos and drama. She has contacted past and present people (my current husband) I've been in relationships with and offered to send them court transcripts from our divorce (as if that proves anything) so they can "see what kind of a person I am". She has harrassed me on my jobs. She has stalked me to learn where I live, and the places I go to for my knitting group, and yes, I have proof. I've even got proof that she reads this blog everytime I post to it. Yes, I know there are laws against most of what she does to me and my family, but I don't care what her and her "hubby" do. She boasts on Ravelry about her Christianity, as though simply saying it and believing it herself, automatically absolves her of any wrongdoing. I am not judging here, but I also know her manipulative and deceitful ways are not in any way, following the word of God. My guess is, she has used her "Christianity" to get her out of some messes, more than likely, created by her own hand. Again, this is merely speculation, and neither me nor my kids care. We have heeded the advice from all of those that have offered it. I used to respond to her...ok, more like listen to her scream at me from the other end of the phone, in the very beginning. You can't talk to someone so irrational like that though, that thinks she needs to defend her newest 'acquisition', i.e., a man. So, I quit trying and instead began ignoring everything that came my way. I have refrained from publishing anymore of the nasty, hateful comments she has tried to leave here, so as to not provoke her any further. Threatening emails, letters, and even the people she had following me have never been mentioned here until now. Keep in mind, the only thing I was fighting for in our divorce, was half of his Federal Government retirement that he had already been receiving for about five years prior to our divorce. I deserved it. I'm the one that stayed home with our three children, and had the entire burden of running the house and everything else that goes along with being a military wife when he was on tour. The last twenty years of our marriage, I also worked part time jobs to help make ends meet and provide the little extras for our children. Both of us know what really went on in our home, but I do realize he has had to rewrite history for the sake of his marriage now. And I'm good with that. I was awarded half of his annuity for the rest of my life, because as the law sees it, I had half of my life invested in it as well. As with any retirement plan, there is also a survivor benefit you can invest in, and as I was allowed by law, I chose that option. This means that if he preceeds me in death, I will continue to receive a percentage of his annuity, which will be more than what I receive now and is pretty standard. Should I preceed him in death, my estate, i.e., my children, will receive my portion, not him, not his current wife. I only mention this, because I'm not sure if this is what drives her to continue her acts of cruelty, or if it's perhaps, an insecurity within her, or all of the above. I don't even really care to know, I just would like it to stop.

I don't think a week goes by without her attempting some new ploy. My daughter once cross stitched a cute piece for her dad for Father's Day one year, before he even met this woman. She sent it to our daughter cut up in little pieces. WTF?!?! We aren't sure if he knows this or not. It was during a move of theirs, so we are thinking perhaps she has told him it must have gotten lost in the move. We doubt he has anything left from his previous life, which to most people, is just plain crazy, but whatever. Why would you want to pretend that the person you are with at this stage in your life is a complete virgin? He had no other life prior to you? That isn't even reasonable. Are you going to tell me that you truly believe this man was absolutely miserable for 35 years? That he never smiled and laughed, or played with his children? Or that yes, he did do that, but it was all fake? That he never went on family vacations, camping trips, remodeled his home together with his wife, went to movies and dinners with family and friends? And that the holidays were sheer drudgery for him? That he went skinny dipping with his wife, only to be caught by a neighbor and laughed endlessly about it into the night didn't really happen? That he loved to garden with his wife and teach their grandchildren how to also? That he never really loved his high school sweetheart whom he married and had three children with? Are you going to tell people he only has nothing but horrible memories of a life he helped create with the woman he chose for his wife? That just isn't even realistic! To my way of thinking, if it was all so agonizing for him, why would one want to continue keeping it alive for the person they claim they love and want to help get past all of it? It just makes no sense at all to me. What does make sense to me though, is that a person that would do this, is obviously very insecure with herself and very jealous of her "hubby", his children, and the life he had prior to her. It's all very sad really, and I hope that one day she can find true peace and not continuously feel the need to "measure up". It has been five years now since we divorced, so I'm hoping, that in time, they will both be able to move on and focus more on the happy marriage she claims they have. I hope in time, she will be able to get control of her manipulative little plugs she puts on Ravelry, such as, a picture of my ex-husband in her profile. She did this as nothing more than a hurtful gesture to my daughter, who is also on Ravelry. We already know what he looks like, remember? Nobody else has pictures of their husbands by themselves in their profile. It's absurd, and what she doesn't realize is my daughter was able to see the sadness in her father's eyes, because again, nobody knows him better than we do. I have spoken to a couple of psychotherapists about this woman, and they both have said the same thing...there is obviously some deep seeded issue going on in this person that prohibits her from being happy with herself, so what better way to make yourself feel better temporarily, than to project that anger onto someone else? My question is...when does it stop? Or will she ever get a grip on things to where she doesn't feel the need to constantly harrass me and my kids anymore? She stalks us on all of the social networking sites, even though we set up new accounts, and since she does read my blog, I want her to know that every bit of her actions are being documented because if we have to, our next step is to take legal action against her. If she thinks we won't do it, or don't have the resources, she is sadly mistaken. I have never been in a better position (financially and emotionally) to do whatever it takes. My husband has sat back and watched all of this and he has also had just about enough of it. He is prepared to do whatever is necessary to put a stop to it NOW! So, Mrs. Holmes, since none of us have your address (nor care to have it), consider this your letter of cease and desist. You are to no longer contact me or any of my children or grandchildren. Not in person, in writing, or on any of the social networking sites. As I have stated before....you have what you wanted, so there is no need for you to feel threatened. This isn't a competition or a contest. None of us want what you have...he is all yours! Sure, my kids would've loved to have had their father continue in their lives, but not one that is going to be manipulated into believing they do nothing but lie to him. He knows the truth, he knows what his kids are as human beings. He knows they know right from wrong, as we both taught them (remember, we both parented our children), and he also knew they only wanted his happiness, whether it was with me or someone else. I know that you will never see this any other way than your way, and that is fine. Nobody is asking you to, and again, we don't care if you ever do. Why is it this man isn't even "allowed" to contact his children directly without checking with you first? Why is he not the one sending them messages? And the times that he supposedly has, do you not think we can tell it was really you? Honestly. We know how this man articulates and spells. He didn't just develop a whole different style when he met you. The only reason I have mentioned this bit is because we now don't need you to try to communicate as him anymore after you read this. We can tell when he hasn't put it in his own words. What we do need is for you to stop with the cruel and hurtful messages. What my kids would like to have is some time alone with their father (something they haven't had since the day he met you), but they have accepted that it will never happen so long as he is with you. Sad, isn't it?

This is all so foreign to me. My dad had an ex-wife when he met and married my mom. I never saw my mom harbor any ill feelings towards her. I had two half-brothers and sister, whom all came to visit when they could. I maintain a very good relationship with the two that are still living. My mother never denied that my dad had a life prior to meeting her, and also knew that whatever went on in that marriage had nothing at all to do with her. Smart woman, my mom! It's just too crazy to think a person could do that. My current husband has a couple of ex-wives and I'm glad for it. He chose to grow from those experiences, so I now have what I consider to be an exceptional human being to spend the rest of my life with. Yay me! :=) I have met his ex-wives and they are lovely people. I have learned that not everybody we marry is necessarily the right person for us, and that is really ok. I have very good and close friendships with all four of his children and will do everything in my power to make sure it continues that way. I adore every single one of his grandchildren as though they are my own, and his ex-wives are okay with the idea of another grandma for their babies. Why would you not want what is best for your children and their children? Why would you want anything other than a harmonious and stress free life for them? I am not so naive as to believe that everybody with an ex spouse in their life continues a deep friendship with that person, but I just don't get why anyone would want constant upheaval in their life from something that was in the past? It just makes no sense at all to me......unless of course, you are insecure. That's the only reason I can come up with.

I'm sorry this post turned into what must have seemed a novel, but I tried my best to just do a basic outline of certain points. I hope I was able to convey the message that I no longer care what this person does to me, but I will do whatever it takes to protect my children and grandchildren from being hurt anymore. Y'all would do the same if you were in my shoes. Yes, I know my kids have the same option of dealing with her the same way I do. It doesn't mean that they will ever stop hurting from losing a person they thought loved them more than anyone or anything in this world though, and it doesn't mean they should have to continue to put up with her inhumane cruelty. I love my current husband very much and therefore, would never dream of hurting one of his kids. To do that would be to hurt him, and I just couldn't do it...why would I want to? I love him!

I'm open to any suggestions or comments!

ETA: I will not be publishing any of your comments or suggestions pertaining to my blather today, so anything you would like to say about it will remain for my eyes only. Thanks! :=)